Back to the woods, back to the lake.

Camp Crystal Lake to be exact. This is the one movie I have been avoiding. This is the one movie I have been bitching and complaining about. Why would you remake a slasher classic? Why? Of course no one could tell me. No one could answer my questions. So I went to see how bad this remake really was.

Boy was I wrong. My friend Dana went with me on this adventure. She is not a horror chick. She has this thing with slicing, puncturing, and stabbing. The reason she went was Jared Padalecki. I don't blame her. He's a cutie. But I digress...

This wasn't a remake. It was another chapter in the story. Directed by Marcus Nispel and produced by my arch nemesis, Michael Bay, I went into this with my hopes very low. I was expecting another train wreck like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. What I got was a very enjoyable movie. It wasn't what you would call a spectacular film. It was a fun movie. It was full of great deaths and some very funny one liners. It upheld the spirit of the franchise very well. Gore, scares, and boobs. Just like the original. I was very pleased.

It starts off perfectly, the rehash of Pamela Voorhees death, the flash forward to modern day with five "teenagers" entering the woods where Camp Crystal Lake used to stand, sex, drugs, and then the inevitable appearance of Jason. Then the killing starts and it really didn't let up. It flashes ahead a month where Jared Padalecki is searching for his sister, one of the five that you see in the beginning, he meets up with a bunch of college kids and the fun ensues! More sex! More pot! More alcohol! More slashing!! YAY SLASHING!

In conclusion, ladies and maniacs, this was a fun movie. The acting was ok. The deaths were awesome. Jason was impressive. I do believe that hell has froze over. Michael Bay has produced a good remake.

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Horror 101

So, no review right now. I was going to review Kung Fu Mummy (I'm not kidding, it's a real movie) But my Mommers always told me "If you're not going to say anything nice..."

Seriously, it was that bad. Tonight I will be seeing the "remake" of Friday the 13th. I'll review it next.

But for now, let's talk about an adventurous plan.

Lessons in Horror. I am debating writing, in extreme detail, the dissertation on horror. I want to explore every nuance, every sub genre, every scream. I want to go from psychological to slasher. From Aliens to Zombies. Its something I have always wanted to do, I just never had a venue. I was thinking about posting it here in sections but I'm not sure if anyone would read it. I would love to know what you think. Tell me!

Everybody Sing Along!!! It's Opera Time!

Every once in a while there is a movie that comes along that surprises you, that overwhelms you. Ladies and gents, Repo! The Genetic Opera is one of those films. Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw 2-4) and starring a fantastic cast featuring the likes of Alexa Vega (Spy Kids) Anthony Stewart Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Bill Moseley (The Devil's Rejects), Ogre (Skinny Puppy), Sarah Brightman (Broadway's stage production of Phantom of the Opera), Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas) and Paris Hilton (One Night in Paris HA!). This movie has it all.
Repo is not your ordinary gory slasher flick. Oh no. It's an opera, not a musical, an honest to goodness, practically every word sung, full on, OPERA! Wow. That takes balls to create something like Repo in this day and age.
Repo takes place in the not-so-distant future where the Largo family, Rotti (Sorvino), Luigi (Moseley), Pavi (Ogre) and Amber Sweet (Hilton) have made surgery sheik and affordable with a payment plan. But if you can't pay, the Repo Man will find you and take back your GenCo organs. Then there is Nathan (Head) and his daughter, Shilo (Vega). Nathan is being forced into working as a Repo Man for GenCo by Rotti. He keeps Shilo hidden away from the horrors of the world for fear of losing her like his wife. When Rotti takes Shilo to the Genetic Opera and introduces her to Blind Mag (Brightman), the voice of GenCo, the story really does take a twist.
This was one of the most well written, well directed, well sung movies I have ever seen. I was blown away from the start. Every performance was spot on. Sorvino using that magnificent classically trained voice of his. Mosely & Ogre working off of each other. Sarah Brightman doing what she does best, except this time on the screen instead of the stage. And as much as I hate to admit it, Paris Hilton did a fantastic job as Amber. This movie really is a feast for the ears and the eyes. There is not one bad thing I can say about this movie. Not one. Go out, buy it. Go! NOW! STOP READING AND GO!!!

I do believe this will be the first movie that warrants 5 skulls in all categories!


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Crawling out of the dark...

I am alive! I have just been on a bit of a hiatus. I have been very disappointed in horror as of late and I almost lost my love for it. Almost. I have been rejuvenated by a couple of promising movies on the rise & also by a couple of books. Not to mention a certain video game franchise, of which I have only played the demo.

Anyway, I am back & I have a lot of things brewing.

Keep screaming.