Things that go bump, thump & growl (the screener edition)

I have to clarify something before I even begin. I did not see the theatrical release of this film. I saw the screener. It was cut completely different, with different scenes and a totally different ending.

Now with that said I can begin.

The rundown, Paranormal Activity is all about a normal couple, Micha (Micah Sloat) and Katie (Katie Featherston) dealing with some unnatural experiences that have been plaguing Katie since she was eight. Micha goes out and buys a nice video camera and documents everything, and I do mean everything. Bizarre and mundane.

That's about all I can say without giving away anything.

Now there are big differences between the version I saw & the version in theaters. Mainly the way it was edited together and the ending. The ending was changed because of a suggestion by Steven Speilberg. It was changed to a more in your face type of ending. The ending I saw was much more subtle and way more creepy. It was the kind of ending that sticks with you. There was another ending shot that only a few test audiences saw that was a tad more shocking than either of the others. In my opinion the screener ending is the best.

This movie is very slow. Kind of like The Blair Witch Project. A lot of set up was involved to let the audience get to know Micha and Katie. You get to know them and start to feel for them. You realize that Katie is tormented and Micha is a douche. It's not until near the end when you start to feel for Micha.

The effects, what little there are, are fantastic. Especially when you think about the budget, $15,000. You read that right. $15,000. I paid $40,000 for my house! Movies are usually made for a million and that's the cheap B-movies.

Overall Paranormal Activity was a movie that sent chills up my spine. It creeped me out so bad that I had to turn on every light in the house just to go to the bathroom! The screener is a must see. I'm afraid that the theatrical release will pale in comparison. But that will be another review for another time.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE:1/2 (only one scene with gore and it was a quick scene.)

HUMOR:

SPOOKINESS:

OVERALL:1/2

Robin's Adventures in Zombieland

Once again I am faced with a difficult review to write. Like my last one I am afraid this will be one sided. Of course, it's not on the same side as Jennifer's Body. It's way on the other side.

Zombieland is the best horror/comedy/zombie/buddy movie I have seen since Shaun of the Dead. Anyone who knows me knows that that is a big thing to say.

I went into this flick expecting to get a crazy, gory, laugh filled movie. I got that! For the first time I got what I was expecting. It didn't disappoint me in any way.

Zombieland is pretty much Ruben Fleischer's directorial debut. I say pretty much because the other 2 movies are rather forgettable & the other thing is an episode of Jimmy Kimmel. He needs to do more stuff like Zombieland. Please? I'm beggin' Ruben Fleischer!

Written by Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick, Zombieland is all about zombies taking over the world and 4 survivors doing what survivors do, surviving.

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is our hero and narrator. Columbus has these rules. They are his rules for survival. Rule #1: Cardio, Rule #2: Beware of Bathrooms... and so on (They are available in video format on YouTube). He is a quirky young man full of fears and phobias that have pretty much kept him alive.

If he were gay he would be Dut. I'm not kidding. Not even a little bit.

He meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). This man is an ass kicker who is on a mission to find one thing, a Twinkie. He is a zombie assassin with style. From a banjo to a pair of garden clippers, anything is a weapon in Tallahassee's hands. Columbus and Tallahassee meet up with two sisters Wichita (Emma Stone) & Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) who basically jack them for all their weapons and the Escalade that they were driving.
Now take all this crazy shit that's going on and throw in this massive herd of flesh eating zombies. HA! FUN TIMES!!

I can't stop praising this movie. It had everything a girl like me could want. I will own it when it comes out. I will own the director's cut. I will own the super duper deluxe edition! WHY CAN'T I OWN IT NOW!

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE:

HUMOR:

OVERALL:

If I said you had a boring body would you hold it against me?

I have been putting this review off because I didn't know what to say about this film without ripping it apart. I kind of hoped it was going to be good and I could smile and say I had seen a great movie. I kind of hoped I could type the words "You know, Megan Fox did a good job." Sadly, that is so not the case.

I was going to just type "My momma said if you can't say nothing nice..." and just leave it at that. I think I owe you more than 9 words.

Even now, I am really struggling. It was that bad.

OK, Deep breath.

Jennifer's Body was so boring. It had the potential to be a good horror flick. It really did. So much could have been done! Amanda Seyfried was good in it. Her character was kick ass. I really blame this whole fiasco on Megan Fox's inability to act.

Written by Diablo Cody and directed by Karyn Kusama, it could have been much more. For christ's sake Diablo Cody wrote Juno! Maybe Diablo (By the way the stupidest name in Hollywood.) should just write quirky comedy and leave horror to people who know how to write it. Or maybe she is just a one trick pony.

The movie is basically this. Two BFFs go to a bar, the slutty one aka Megan Fox flirts with the band, who thinks she's a virginal cock tease. The cute, nerdy, better actress aka Amanda Seyfried argues and tries to talk her out of it. The bar catches fire. Slutty goes with the band. Cute and Nerdy goes home. Slutty shows back up at Nerdy's house all beaten up and vomiting up pure nastiness. 24 hours later, Slutty is back to her slutty ways and Nerdy is so damned confused. Then boys start to turn up dead.

At this moment I had to go check my ears for bleeding. Megan Fox's fucking baby talk was giving me a migraine and I honestly thought my brain had ruptured.

There was a fantastic fight between Nerdy and Slutty. Then the loose ends are neatly tied up and a little twist at the end. The effects, tho mostly CG, were pretty good. Nothing that you didn't see on the trailer.

I can't believe I sat through this.

RATINGS:

ACTING: (That one lone skull is for Amanda Seyfried who is awesome.)

GORE:

HUMOR:---

OVERALL:

And Death Keeps On Rolling...

First it was a plane. Then a deadly car crash. Next an accident on a roller coaster. Now we are back for (insert dramatic music here) THE FINAL DESTINATION. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!

It's presented in 3D. Everything now is in 3D, Disney 3D, Your momma's 3D. It was cool at first. It's not cool anymore. Please stop. It just gives people a headache. Did Hollywood not learn from the 50's. At least it's not that crappy red/blue 3D.

Death is back. Well technically, Death never really left. It's Death for fuck's sake! This time Death goes to Nascar! Well not really Nascar, but a stock car race that looks a lot like Nascar.
Death is apparently pissed about the standings so he is going to take out a couple of good ol' boys.

It' s the same formula. A group of teens get into an average situation, one of them has a vision of impending doom with gruesome deaths, splatters of blood, lots of people going "AH!" or "EW!" then a snap back to reality. A fight happens. A group of people get thrown out of said situation, and just when you think everyone is safe... BLAMMO! Someone gets it! People freak. The seer is either shunned or thought of as a hero or both. He/She discovers Death's design and the cycle continues. You know the drill. It's been the same for the past 3 movies. No one should be surprised.

The only thing that sets this story apart is they don't even bother to link to flight 180 (even tho the number is seen everywhere.) oh, and of course the 3D!!

Honestly, it wasn't a bad movie. It never has been. It's just it was the same movie. The acting was the same, the story was the same, The deaths were different and pretty damn cool. They always are.

If you really want to see this, see it. You don't need to see it in 3D to enjoy it for what it is. But if you really want to experience the experience watch one of the other Final Destination movies and have a friend throw things at you. Trust me, it will be much pleasurable.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE: (it is very gory.)

HUMOR:

OVERALL: