Same Shit. Different Deaths.

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What can I say about Final Destination that hasn't been said before? 

That wasn't a rhetorical question. I really want to know  if anyone can come up with something new to say about a 5th movie that tells the exactly the same story only replacing the setting and the characters. 

The Final Destination, the Mad Libs of horror franchises. 

Just like the 4 before, this one starts out the same mundane way. Blank boards/gets into/goes to blank when blank has a horrifying vision of everyone's untimely death. He/She then warns everyone and only a few people believe successfully changing death's design. Death ain't nobody's bitch so he keeps trying to kill them in the most Rube Goldbergian  way possible.

Let me just sum it up. This time it's a bus on a bridge, the group is going on a corporate retreat and Nicholas D'Agosto is the seer. 

The only reason I even bother to watch this franchise are the deaths. They get more and more gruesome. I just wish there wasn't so much cg blood. I won't give away any of the deaths. They were pretty creative this time around. Let's just say I will never have laser eye surgery. 

The two bright spots for me was the return of Tony Todd and the appearance of David Koechner. Koechner always brightens any movie and Todd is horror royalty. Tony Todd's absence was one of the things that made 4 feel incomplete. I was glad to see him back.

There is one difference in this one, the end. This one ends on a twist. It's easy to figure out. That is, if you just follow the signs and pay attention.

RATINGS:

ACTING: 

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HUMOR: None

OVERALL:  1/2

Chain, Chain, Chain...

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Let's go ahead and get the obvious out of the way, I left but I am back. I had to get my brain back on track.

Now for more horror. 

Teen slasher flicks all have the same formula. It's been this way since the first faceless killer came on the scene. Personally, I like the formula. I think it gives the filmmakers something to strive for. Who can take that formula and make something memorable? 

Like a Michelin Star chef putting his spin on a grilled cheese sandwich. We're all familiar with it, now what can you do to make it SPECTACULAR?

Chain Letter isn't a Michelin Star meal but it ain't no happy meal either.

What can you say about a movie that has Rosalie from Twi-suck, Chucky from Child's Play, Childs from The Thing, Henry from KA-BLAM, Jigsaw's Wife, and a special appearance by Roger Rabbit!

Now before you think I have gone off my meds, let me explain...

Chain Letters is all about how we are all connected and it's not all gumdrops and lollipops, with the good comes the bad. I think the director, Deon Taylor was trying to slip a message in there somewhere. However, you wouldn't know that from the first scene in the movie. 

Oh no. We get the gore right off. 

After that we get the usual intros to the characters. The "good girl", The "promiscuous girl", The "athlete", The "bad boy", The "geeky guy" and The black guy. The geek gets a chain letter threatening death if it isn't forwarded to five people. Guess who he forwards it too? That's right and most of them delete it.

Then the killing begins, and they are some really fantastic deaths. No obvious CG. Practical effects were used beautifully. The killer, simply known as the chain man, uses chains as his calling card. It may sound a bit hokey but it really worked. Especially when you get to see what happens when you wrap someone's head so tightly with a chain it just disintegrates.  

I squealed with joy at that one!

This is what it is, a teen slasher flick with a nice little twist. It's a fun little gore fest that entertained this creepy chick for approximately 96 minutes. 

RATINGS:

ACTING: 

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HUMOR: None.

OVERALL:

Paranormal Activity 2. Brought to you in ROB-O-VISION!

Torture! Now in 3D!

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We've been down this road before. I said I was done. But you know me, I am a glutton for punishment. I had to see this one. I had to. I know I have said a couple of a times that I can't stand how everything that is released now comes in 3D as well as 2D.  But I wanted, needed,  to see how they worked the traps into the world of 3D.

I just had to see.

Jodie, Des, and I loaded up and took off to the Mall of Georgia to see some gore in 3D. When we arrived we got our tickets from the magic Fandango machine, picked up our 3D glasses and found a good spot.

We were ready.

Let me start off by saying this was a good movie. Kevin Greuter, who directed Saw VI and pretty much edited  every Saw movie previously did a great job. I was pleasantly surprised.


As an audience, we have been promised answer to questions from this franchise. Ever since V They have been touting that it was the end. Well, this one is the end. Questions answered, surprises had, and one last game played.

All the past pawns were there sans Amanda. John/Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), Hoffman (Costas Mandylor), and Jill (Betsy Russell) are all there to finish the power struggle over John's legacy. Meanwhile, Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery), a supposed "Jigsaw Survivor" has decided to cash in on his struggles. He wrote a book, does TV appearances, and goes to meetings with the other survivors. Too bad he's a liar and must now be put through his own game.

In the end... well, you really should just see it for your self.

The 3D effects were pretty cool. They didn't detract from the story. The film makers managed to use them where they would be most effective. Mainly in the traps and with the gore. I was ducking guts. I really was.

Speaking of the traps...

The traps blew me away. It was quite the sadistic little toy chest this time. I think the one based on sound was my favorite. Oh and remember Amanda's reverse flytrap mask? The one she managed to escape from? The ONE trap fans have been wanting to see in action? Your wish is granted, long live Jambi.

RATINGS:

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OVERALL:1/2

Say A Little Prayer

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For those few that actually read my blog, you might remember an Up Coming Screamers I posted way back in May. I featured the trailer for the Daniel Stamm directed film The Last Exorcism.

I had my doubts.

This is another mockumentary film shot with a hand held camera. This made me worry. Ever since The Blair Witch Project, the film industry has been flooded with these things. Already I was going into this movie with biased eyes.

The story is all about this evangelical southern preacher named Cotton Marcus who is being followed by this film crew. All Cotton's life has been about the church. His father is preacher and he was groomed at a very young age to start his ministries. As a boy, he started to perform exorcisms. He continued until the day he heard of an autistic boy that was killed during a so called "exorcism". He questioned his faith and now he is out with this film crew to perform his last exorcism.

Enter in the Sweetzer family. A very normal family from a small southern town. A widower raising his two teen age children the best way he can.

Too bad his daughter is possessed by a demon.

Now this is where I started thinking "Oh geez, it's The Exorcism of Emily Rose all over again." Boy howdy, was I wrong. Cotton is played fantastically by Patrick Fabian. You really like his character. You know it's almost reprehensible that he is a fraud but you know he's doing it for the well being of these "possessed" people. You can tell that he just wants to help bring peace to this family without doing anymore damage.

Let's talk about Nell. Played flawlessly by Ashley Bell, Nell is a naive girl with home school ideas and a sweet charm. She misses her mom and loves Jesus. But there is a scene that struck me so hard, that I literally had to stop this movie, take a breath, and revel in her performance. She makes eye contact with the camera and you can feel it coming off of the screen. The pain and, what I can only call, evil, for lack of a better word, is so intense.

That scene alone is worth seeing this movie for.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE: 1/2

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OVERALL: