Same Shit. Different Deaths.

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What can I say about Final Destination that hasn't been said before? 

That wasn't a rhetorical question. I really want to know  if anyone can come up with something new to say about a 5th movie that tells the exactly the same story only replacing the setting and the characters. 

The Final Destination, the Mad Libs of horror franchises. 

Just like the 4 before, this one starts out the same mundane way. Blank boards/gets into/goes to blank when blank has a horrifying vision of everyone's untimely death. He/She then warns everyone and only a few people believe successfully changing death's design. Death ain't nobody's bitch so he keeps trying to kill them in the most Rube Goldbergian  way possible.

Let me just sum it up. This time it's a bus on a bridge, the group is going on a corporate retreat and Nicholas D'Agosto is the seer. 

The only reason I even bother to watch this franchise are the deaths. They get more and more gruesome. I just wish there wasn't so much cg blood. I won't give away any of the deaths. They were pretty creative this time around. Let's just say I will never have laser eye surgery. 

The two bright spots for me was the return of Tony Todd and the appearance of David Koechner. Koechner always brightens any movie and Todd is horror royalty. Tony Todd's absence was one of the things that made 4 feel incomplete. I was glad to see him back.

There is one difference in this one, the end. This one ends on a twist. It's easy to figure out. That is, if you just follow the signs and pay attention.

RATINGS:

ACTING: 

GORE: 

HUMOR: None

OVERALL:  1/2

Chain, Chain, Chain...

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Let's go ahead and get the obvious out of the way, I left but I am back. I had to get my brain back on track.

Now for more horror. 

Teen slasher flicks all have the same formula. It's been this way since the first faceless killer came on the scene. Personally, I like the formula. I think it gives the filmmakers something to strive for. Who can take that formula and make something memorable? 

Like a Michelin Star chef putting his spin on a grilled cheese sandwich. We're all familiar with it, now what can you do to make it SPECTACULAR?

Chain Letter isn't a Michelin Star meal but it ain't no happy meal either.

What can you say about a movie that has Rosalie from Twi-suck, Chucky from Child's Play, Childs from The Thing, Henry from KA-BLAM, Jigsaw's Wife, and a special appearance by Roger Rabbit!

Now before you think I have gone off my meds, let me explain...

Chain Letters is all about how we are all connected and it's not all gumdrops and lollipops, with the good comes the bad. I think the director, Deon Taylor was trying to slip a message in there somewhere. However, you wouldn't know that from the first scene in the movie. 

Oh no. We get the gore right off. 

After that we get the usual intros to the characters. The "good girl", The "promiscuous girl", The "athlete", The "bad boy", The "geeky guy" and The black guy. The geek gets a chain letter threatening death if it isn't forwarded to five people. Guess who he forwards it too? That's right and most of them delete it.

Then the killing begins, and they are some really fantastic deaths. No obvious CG. Practical effects were used beautifully. The killer, simply known as the chain man, uses chains as his calling card. It may sound a bit hokey but it really worked. Especially when you get to see what happens when you wrap someone's head so tightly with a chain it just disintegrates.  

I squealed with joy at that one!

This is what it is, a teen slasher flick with a nice little twist. It's a fun little gore fest that entertained this creepy chick for approximately 96 minutes. 

RATINGS:

ACTING: 

GORE:

HUMOR: None.

OVERALL: