Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Where am I going? Why is it getting hot? And what am I doing in this handbasket?

Sorry for the lack in posts, mon petite aubergines. I have been battling the holiday hell that is my family. Trust me, holidays with this bunch requires a black belt, brass knuckles & mace.

I am back with three, count them three, movies on my platter to serve up with the leftover turkey and such. NetherBeast Incorporated, Laid To Rest, and The Box.

I will be posting them probably one a day just to catch up and not overwhelm you, or I could just dump them all on you.

I've got nothing better to do, but I'm sure you have.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

"I love you... I have a condom."

The title of this review are the first lines spoken in this movie. I immediately began laughing so hard I got choked on my mountain dew. I was afraid I got drawn into another movie suggested by Strader that was going to suck. Usually she does have decent taste in movies but she has thrown some doozys my way, but you know me, I'll try anything once.

So I sat there and I watched. It started out with Anna (Emily Browning) being released from the booby hatch. She tried to kill herself after her ailing mother died in a fiery boat house explosion. Anna returns home to her sister Alex (Arielle Kebbel), her father (David Strathairn), and her father's new girlfriend Rachel (Elizabeth Banks) who just happened to be her mother's ex-nurse.

Yeah that's not shady at all.

It was at that time that I had begun to feel like I had seen this somewhere before. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I knew I had. I continued to watch.

Anna is seeing things. Now when I say things I mean the ghost of her dead mother. Which is well done and quite creepy. She tells Alex who doesn't bat an eye at this. They start to believe that Rachel offed their mommy. Quite honestly, so do you. Why? Rachel is a psycho bitch. I'm talking, Rebecca De Mornay in The Hand that Rocks the Cradle type crazy. Elizabeth Banks does a great job at playing the bitch. She's just plain scary. I love her. The sisters uncover clues to Rachel's hidden past and the plot thickens.

The ending was great. A twist that was pretty damn enjoyable. One I didn't figure out, yet it felt very familiar, but different.

Then it hit me... A Tale of Two Sisters!! Holy crap! I'm watching a remake! What's even more bizarre it's a good remake!! I saw A Tale of Two Sisters years ago and it was a very intense film. Very beautiful. Complete with all kinds of twists. One of the most intriguing stories ever.

By the by... A Tale of Two Sister's poster wins over The Uninvited's poster ANY DAY!

I digress, this is about The Uninvited.

Directed by two relatively new directors, Charles Guard and Thomas Guard, The Uninvited was a huge undertaking. Not only as a remake but as a film unto itself. It was well shot & acted. I enjoyed everything about it.

Everything but that stupid opening line.

I would suggest this movie to anyone who isn't willing to give A Tale of Two Sisters a chance. I know Asian horror isn't everyone's bag.

If it is, see A Tale of Two Sisters first. After that check out The Uninvited. It's not that bad.






Monday, October 26, 2009

Let's try this once more, this time with hydrofluoric acid.

I know. I'm a glutton for punishment. I swore that I was done with this franchise. Saw V was enough to leave a bad taste in my mouth. David Hackl crushed my hopes for any answers to the story of Jigsaw. As I said before, Hackl made a damn mess of Saw V.

So what was the only reason I gave Saw VI a chance? Director, Kevin Greutert.

Honestly, I'm glad I did. We got to finally see a lot of the plot holes filled. Granted some of them will never be cleared up but, with horror franchises, you take what you can get.

I don't think I'm going to rehash the story in detail. Mainly because it's the same ol' same ol'. You start from the end of the previous film and end up following someone/someones through the tests that Jigsaw (or one of his lackys) has set up. The only difference in this one, we actually get answers!

All your favorites are back, John (Tobin Bell ), Amanda (Shawnee Smith), Jill (Betsy Russell) and Hoffman (Costas Mandylor). Of course some of them only show up in flashbacks but they answer a lot of questions. What was in Amanda's letter? What was in the box John left to Jill? What is Hoffman's test?

We also get to see the last traps John ever set up himself and they really are fantastic. These may be some of the best traps since the first movie. I really enjoyed the Marry-Go-Round and the Maze traps. Plus the Hydrofluoric Acid trap was pretty gruesome.

All in all, this was much, much better than the last one. It cleared up so many questions. I wish I could say that this was the end. It would be quite fitting. Alas, there is a Saw VII in the works and I hate to say that Hackl is supposed to helm it and it will be in 3D.

Damn you Twisted Pictures, Damn you if it's true.





OVERALL:PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket 1/2

Friday, October 23, 2009

Things that go bump, thump & growl (the screener edition)

I have to clarify something before I even begin. I did not see the theatrical release of this film. I saw the screener. It was cut completely different, with different scenes and a totally different ending.

Now with that said I can begin.

The rundown, Paranormal Activity is all about a normal couple, Micha (Micah Sloat) and Katie (Katie Featherston) dealing with some unnatural experiences that have been plaguing Katie since she was eight. Micha goes out and buys a nice video camera and documents everything, and I do mean everything. Bizarre and mundane.

That's about all I can say without giving away anything.

Now there are big differences between the version I saw & the version in theaters. Mainly the way it was edited together and the ending. The ending was changed because of a suggestion by Steven Speilberg. It was changed to a more in your face type of ending. The ending I saw was much more subtle and way more creepy. It was the kind of ending that sticks with you. There was another ending shot that only a few test audiences saw that was a tad more shocking than either of the others. In my opinion the screener ending is the best.

This movie is very slow. Kind of like The Blair Witch Project. A lot of set up was involved to let the audience get to know Micha and Katie. You get to know them and start to feel for them. You realize that Katie is tormented and Micha is a douche. It's not until near the end when you start to feel for Micha.

The effects, what little there are, are fantastic. Especially when you think about the budget, $15,000. You read that right. $15,000. I paid $40,000 for my house! Movies are usually made for a million and that's the cheap B-movies.

Overall Paranormal Activity was a movie that sent chills up my spine. It creeped me out so bad that I had to turn on every light in the house just to go to the bathroom! The screener is a must see. I'm afraid that the theatrical release will pale in comparison. But that will be another review for another time.



GORE:1/2 (only one scene with gore and it was a quick scene.)


SPOOKINESS: PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket


Sunday, October 4, 2009

Robin's Adventures in Zombieland

Once again I am faced with a difficult review to write. Like my last one I am afraid this will be one sided. Of course, it's not on the same side as Jennifer's Body. It's way on the other side.

Zombieland is the best horror/comedy/zombie/buddy movie I have seen since Shaun of the Dead. Anyone who knows me knows that that is a big thing to say.

I went into this flick expecting to get a crazy, gory, laugh filled movie. I got that! For the first time I got what I was expecting. It didn't disappoint me in any way.

Zombieland is pretty much Ruben Fleischer's directorial debut. I say pretty much because the other 2 movies are rather forgettable & the other thing is an episode of Jimmy Kimmel. He needs to do more stuff like Zombieland. Please? I'm beggin' Ruben Fleischer!

Written by Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick, Zombieland is all about zombies taking over the world and 4 survivors doing what survivors do, surviving.

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is our hero and narrator. Columbus has these rules. They are his rules for survival. Rule #1: Cardio, Rule #2: Beware of Bathrooms... and so on (They are available in video format on YouTube). He is a quirky young man full of fears and phobias that have pretty much kept him alive.

If he were gay he would be Dut. I'm not kidding. Not even a little bit.

He meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). This man is an ass kicker who is on a mission to find one thing, a Twinkie. He is a zombie assassin with style. From a banjo to a pair of garden clippers, anything is a weapon in Tallahassee's hands. Columbus and Tallahassee meet up with two sisters Wichita (Emma Stone) & Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) who basically jack them for all their weapons and the Escalade that they were driving.
Now take all this crazy shit that's going on and throw in this massive herd of flesh eating zombies. HA! FUN TIMES!!

I can't stop praising this movie. It had everything a girl like me could want. I will own it when it comes out. I will own the director's cut. I will own the super duper deluxe edition! WHY CAN'T I OWN IT NOW!