Jesus H... WHAT!?!!?

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

I swear to god.

It exists and Me, Dut, Strader, and Poot had a viewing of it. We knew we were going to be in for something. We wasn't too sure what, but we knew it would be something entertaining.

It is a low budget, b-movie, blaspheming, lesbian romp fest with fantastic lines like "You're all up in my Kool-Aid and you don't even know the flava." and "Lesbians. Oh God loves them. They get so much done in a day, ya know" and my favorite "I suggest we harvest another lesbian."

Now I know what you're thinking... "But Robin, this is a horror blog." Yeah, yeah, but how could anyone pass this up. Besides it's my blog. I'll write what I want. It's not like people can sue me for it.... oh wait... shit.

Back to the matter at hand. The plot is spelled out for you in the title. It's about Jesus Christ. He's hunting vampires. Well, there are some lesbians, a luchadore named Santos, Miss Oddbottom, a blind jazz scat singer, Johnny Vegas as himself and did I mention lesbians. There are a lot of those. I'm not kidding. Like Lilith Fair amounts of lesbians. But other than that it's all about the Jesus, and you don't fuck with the Jesus.

Honestly, if the jokers that made this were trying to make a serious horror flick I would be ripping this to shreds right now. As a gory, laughable movie it is perfect! It had all of us almost in tears at several points. The foley on this is awesome. You have classic kung-fu noises and coconut bonks for the fight scenes. The soundtrack was so cheesy that we all said, "Oh my god I need this song for my ringtone." The acting was very bad but in that good Troma-esq way. This movie is a definite renter or even, dare I say it, a buyer.

Hell, I'd own it.

(By the by, I will be reviewing The Final Destination next. I saw it first but this one took president. It was just too good to pass up!)

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