If Walls Could Talk.

This review really shouldn't take long. I could pad it out with embellishments or some of that thar fancy talkins, but I won't. Instead I will get right to the point.

This movie should have never been made. Honestly it was a waste of everyone's time. Then again Mischa Barton isn't doing too much except going in and out of rehab. Maybe this was part of some weird treatment. If it is, it was very cruel. Not to Mischa, to us!

The story had potential but the execution was lacking. It centers around a magnificent building where some strange murders had taken place. A factory worker that lived there had a penchant for walling up people alive a la "The Cask of Amontillado". He kidnapped several of the tenants and the architect himself and walled them up. Now how cool does that sound! Mischa Barton plays an engineer (HA!) for her families demolition business and it is her job to look at the blue prints and find the best way to knock down the building. When she goes to the building she meets the last few tenants and then strange things happen, mysteries are uncovered, Velma loses her glasses and it turns out it was old man Jenkins in a rubber mask. Or something.

To be honest, I zoned out. I remember seeing Cameron Bright as Jimmy and Deborah Kara Unger as his mom but the acting they delivered was so lack luster I found myself playing Panda Pai Gow Poker on Pogo.com. I have never been that bored by a movie since The Golden Compass.

This movie was so unimpressive. The acting was robotic. The story could have been fantastic. There was no gore. No scares. No tense, suspenseful moments that make you wonder what's gonna happen next.

Just Mischa Barton & that distracting scar on her face. What the hell is that anyway?

My advice on this little gem is don't bother. If you want to watch a movie about a mysterious apartment building go watch the remake of Toolbox Murders. Now that is a good movie.

RATINGS:

ACTING:---

GORE:---

HUMOR:---

OVERALL:--- (I can't even justify one skull.)