Paranormal Activity 2. Brought to you in ROB-O-VISION!

Torture! Now in 3D!

Click here to go to the movie's IMDb page

We've been down this road before. I said I was done. But you know me, I am a glutton for punishment. I had to see this one. I had to. I know I have said a couple of a times that I can't stand how everything that is released now comes in 3D as well as 2D.  But I wanted, needed,  to see how they worked the traps into the world of 3D.

I just had to see.

Jodie, Des, and I loaded up and took off to the Mall of Georgia to see some gore in 3D. When we arrived we got our tickets from the magic Fandango machine, picked up our 3D glasses and found a good spot.

We were ready.

Let me start off by saying this was a good movie. Kevin Greuter, who directed Saw VI and pretty much edited  every Saw movie previously did a great job. I was pleasantly surprised.


As an audience, we have been promised answer to questions from this franchise. Ever since V They have been touting that it was the end. Well, this one is the end. Questions answered, surprises had, and one last game played.

All the past pawns were there sans Amanda. John/Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), Hoffman (Costas Mandylor), and Jill (Betsy Russell) are all there to finish the power struggle over John's legacy. Meanwhile, Bobby (Sean Patrick Flanery), a supposed "Jigsaw Survivor" has decided to cash in on his struggles. He wrote a book, does TV appearances, and goes to meetings with the other survivors. Too bad he's a liar and must now be put through his own game.

In the end... well, you really should just see it for your self.

The 3D effects were pretty cool. They didn't detract from the story. The film makers managed to use them where they would be most effective. Mainly in the traps and with the gore. I was ducking guts. I really was.

Speaking of the traps...

The traps blew me away. It was quite the sadistic little toy chest this time. I think the one based on sound was my favorite. Oh and remember Amanda's reverse flytrap mask? The one she managed to escape from? The ONE trap fans have been wanting to see in action? Your wish is granted, long live Jambi.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE:

HUMOR:

OVERALL:1/2

Say A Little Prayer

Click here to go to the movie's IMDb page

For those few that actually read my blog, you might remember an Up Coming Screamers I posted way back in May. I featured the trailer for the Daniel Stamm directed film The Last Exorcism.

I had my doubts.

This is another mockumentary film shot with a hand held camera. This made me worry. Ever since The Blair Witch Project, the film industry has been flooded with these things. Already I was going into this movie with biased eyes.

The story is all about this evangelical southern preacher named Cotton Marcus who is being followed by this film crew. All Cotton's life has been about the church. His father is preacher and he was groomed at a very young age to start his ministries. As a boy, he started to perform exorcisms. He continued until the day he heard of an autistic boy that was killed during a so called "exorcism". He questioned his faith and now he is out with this film crew to perform his last exorcism.

Enter in the Sweetzer family. A very normal family from a small southern town. A widower raising his two teen age children the best way he can.

Too bad his daughter is possessed by a demon.

Now this is where I started thinking "Oh geez, it's The Exorcism of Emily Rose all over again." Boy howdy, was I wrong. Cotton is played fantastically by Patrick Fabian. You really like his character. You know it's almost reprehensible that he is a fraud but you know he's doing it for the well being of these "possessed" people. You can tell that he just wants to help bring peace to this family without doing anymore damage.

Let's talk about Nell. Played flawlessly by Ashley Bell, Nell is a naive girl with home school ideas and a sweet charm. She misses her mom and loves Jesus. But there is a scene that struck me so hard, that I literally had to stop this movie, take a breath, and revel in her performance. She makes eye contact with the camera and you can feel it coming off of the screen. The pain and, what I can only call, evil, for lack of a better word, is so intense.

That scene alone is worth seeing this movie for.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE: 1/2

HUMOR:

OVERALL:

Are You Afraid of Your Shadow?

Click the poster to go to the film's IMDb page.

Shadows creep me out. Not as much as mirrors or furries, mind you but they still creep me right out. Never knowing if what you saw out of the corner of your eye is a shadow or something much more sinister.

Like Lindsay Lohan or Ke$ha or something... *shudder*

Imagine you wake up in a padded cell. Now imagine you can't remember who you are or how you got there and you're wearing nothing but a tank top and boxers. That's how this movie starts.

Jolene Blalock wakes up not knowing anything. All she knows is that she is in some sort of mental hospital and someone has taken her clothes. After realizing her door isn't locked she sets out on exploring the halls. Eventually she runs into another patient, James Marsters. He is also suffering from complete memory lapse and lack of pants.

Eventually they come across four more people who are all under dressed and amnesic. Tony Todd, Marc Winnick, Diahanna Nicole Baxter, and Natash Alam. They all set out to discover who they are and why they are stuck in this hospital.

Only one problem, the shadows are trying to kill them.

A monster made of shadows. The thought frightens me. The movie on the other hand...

It wasn't horrible. It was the type of flick that could have been better. No fault of the actors, writer, or the director, Michael Winnick. It was just one of those movies.

The acting was on par. The effects were very Sy Fy channel. The story could have been stronger.

It was a "meh" kind of film. Look for it on Netflix's instant watch if you're bored and can't find a good Sharktapus movie to watch.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE:

HUMOR: 1/2 (For Tony Todd's one liners.)

OVERALL:1/2

Making a Case.

Click the poster to go to the film's IMDb page.

I've been meaning to write this review for a while. I actually sat through this movie three times. I had too. I missed the ending the first two times. I can't remember why tho.

Damn the black outs. (KIDDING)

This is only the third movie I have ever seen with Renee Zellweger in it that I've liked. The first two being Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation and Empire Records.

Don't judge me.

Zellweger is a social worker that is very compassionate and dedicated to her work. So compassionate and dedicated she can't make time for this smoking hot child psychologist played by Bradley Cooper. What is she, completely stupid!?!?!

She has 38 cases on her plate when along comes number 39.

Case 39... You know it can't be good when it's titular in a horror film.

This case is all about a little girl named Lilith, played by Jodelle Ferland, who is falling asleep in class, her grades are slipping, and she is exhibiting behavior found in abused kids. When Zellweger goes to investigate she discovers that her parents are very distant and the father won't even speak directly to her.

When the investigation is called off Zellweger continues to snoop. She asks her police officer friend, Ian McShane, to help her. When Lilith calls her one night in distress, Zellweger & McShane (sounds like a cop show) busts in to find her parents have went completely nutter and shoved her in an oven.

This is when we learn you shouldn't fuck with Ian McShane cause he is one bad mother bitch. Best part of the fight scene is when McShane takes the father's head and introduces it to Mr. Fridge's door. It's quite impressive.

The parents are sentence to psych treatment and the little angel is entered into the system. Zellweger, being as dedicated and compassionate as she is, gets talked into taking the child into her own home by the little girl herself.

And as "creepy kid" movies go, that's when things go wrong. People start dying in horrific ways. Nobody knows why! It's a mystery! Well, unless you've seen any of these types of movies before.

I did enjoy this movie. It was directed by Christian Alvart, who directed Pandorum. It wasn't horrible. It was kinda fun! Jodelle Ferland is an amazing actress for someone that young. I hope she doesn't go the way of other child actors. Bradley Cooper wasn't bad either and as I said before, Ian McShane is one bad mother... anyway. The effects were not bad. CG was minimal, except for the hornets... oh my the hornets.

I would suggest this movie to people, but only as a renter or a downloader. I don't think I would pay twelve bucks to see it.

RATINGS:

ACTING:

GORE:

HUMOR:---

OVERALL:

Three B's: The inaugural edition!

I talked about doing this for a while. I watch a lot of movies that I don't rate cause either they are; A. stupid as a bag of oatmeal or #2. boring as all get out. So I had this idea to take the worst of the worse and compile a triple dose of dratch. None of these will have the normal ratings. None of these flicks are worth the effort. I will, however, give you my opinion on these pieces of... um... art?

For the first little taste of terrible I bring you Psycho Ward. I think this movie was about a decommissioned prison. Or was it a hospital? I'm not sure. All I know was that they kept calling it a prison but it looked like a nut house. A group of college age kids (surprise, surprise) are "thrill seekers/geocashers/ghost hunters/what the fuck ever" and they go into this haunted prison (hospital). They have the usual shenanigans. Someone turns up missing or dead or something.

Honestly I couldn't tell you the first thing about the story. All I know is that I was watching it and talking to two of my friends. I look up and some chick has nutted up on some guy. I look down. I look up, now there is a crazy person with a green mask on chasing them around the hospital (prison). Look again, I'm on a horse.

I don't even know how it ended. I just know I had to turn off the god awful music that was blaring over the credits.
My suggestion for this movie- Forget Psycho Ward... Watch Psycho instead.

The next tale of terrible is called Murder-Set-Pieces. Again, not sure what the actual plot is... It has something to do with a German photographer, who specializes in naked women. The German's girlfriend and her, what seems to be, 12 year old sister. The girlfriend loves him without fail. The little sister doesn't trust him. Always listen to the little sister. The German is a psycho. He has issues with women and really likes to fuck them and then kill them. I'm still not sure why. I think it has something to do with his Mother or Nazis or both.

Sadly enough there is talent in this film. In one scene, The German did buy a gun from Gunnar Hansen, who is billed as Nazi Mechanic. In another, Tony Todd is a clerk in a porn store that this German asshole attacks! TONY MOTHERFUCKIN' TODD!!! Plus Edwin Neal shows up as a good Samaritan that warns the little sister about the dangers of hitchhiking! OK, that part was funny.

Leatherface, Candyman, and The Hitchhiker.... Oh how the mighty have fallen.
I think I finally gave up when the German went to the psychic then showed up at some German woman's house then has nightmares about 9/11. I have no fucking clue what is going on at this point. CHECK PLEASE!

My suggestion- Grab any two novels off your book shelf and rip them apart. Paste them back together all willy nilly. That amalgam of words will make more sense.

My last offering of the evening is a Shyamalanian (If that's not a word it is now.) tale of six strangers, stranded in a rural funeral home, where people stop being polite and the story gets surreal... The Morgue!

It's a slow flick. It's got a twist. It's not a hard twist, nor is it original, but it is there. It's not as bad as the first two. All in all I must say this movie was semi-watchable. This is actually the second time watching it. The first time thru I watched it with Blake. I'm pretty sure I know why I couldn't remember details about this movie, except that the chick from The Blair Witch Project is in it. *cough cough*

I did remember the ending tho. I remember figuring out what was going on about 15 minutes into the thing. I also remember yelling at the TV "If ya put some soap and water on that sponge you might clean that stain off the wall!"

That's about all I do remember. After double viewings, this movie left no impression on me what so ever. It wasn't horrible. It was just... bland and predictable.

My suggestion- Watch it if you're board and see how long it takes for you to figure it out.

There you have it, my first installment of Three B's. I'd like to know what you think. Let me know in the comments or email me at Ninjakiss (at) Live dot Com.

Later!

Up Coming Screamers: My Soul To Take

Now before I get to the horrific preview I just want to say that I am back to updating Mindset a little more regularly. I've been dealing with some personal horrors of my own that would turn any one's hair white.

OK... On with the show.

Click the poster to go to the film's IMDb page.

Wes Craven returns to the sub-genre that made him very wealthy, the teen-scream slasher film.
Something feels very familiar here, like I've seen this before. Here's the trailer. See if you also feel a bit of the ol' De Ja Vue...


I'm sensing a really strong Nightmare on Elm Street vibe. What's worse it's not even a decent Nightmare vibe. It's like Nightmare part 2... The killer's soul is in one of you! Oooooooooh.

Maybe I'm being a little harsh or maybe I've just be jaded with the crap Hollywood is trying to pass off as horror. Who's to say? This may be worth watching. After all, Wes Craven is the master of supernatural killers who hunt down innocent teens that really had nothing to do with the killer's demise.

But did he have to make the Slasher look like Hagrid?

Sigh...

This one single section was all the horror dvds at Best Buy in Buford, GA. That's it.

I wept.

I don't know if this speaks to the lack of horror or the fact that the internet has brought us downloads and the instant watch/deliverable by mail services of Netflix and subsequently the death of retail dvds?

Or the fact that this Best Buy sucks and that the horror section is much more massive in other locations. If someone knows, enlighten me.

Just a thought.

Up Coming Screamers: A Look at Let Me In

Click the poster to go to the film's IMDb page.

I've been a bit nervous about the release of this movie since I first caught wind of it. The original Swedish version was so powerful and moving I was speechless after I saw it. You can read my review of Let The Right One In here. The original is actually what I like to call a "Holy Grail" movie. It's a treasure that you didn't expect because it didn't look like it would be as amazing as it is. It's one of my top 10 flicks of all time and that is why this Americanized remake has me worried. Here's the trailer...




The fact it is directed by the guy that did Cloverfield, Matt Reeves doesn't help it's case either. It seems that Mr.Reeves has problems with originality. Look at Cloverfield, it was basically a knock off of The Host, Godzilla, and The Blair Witch Project all rolled into one. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he would helm this remake. At least J.J. Abrahms didn't stick his grubby hands in this... or Michale Bay.

Thank the gods for small miracles. Yet, I digress.

The trailer is impressive. The story looks spot on. The two lead actors look like they may have it down. Lets just hope that Chloe Moretz can live up to Lina Leandersson as Abby/Eli. She was fantastic as Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass but this role is going to be a tough one. She is going to have to put all of her emotions into Abby, yet she is going to have to be very stoic at the same time.

Then there is Kodi Smit-McPhee having to walk in the shoes of Kåre Hedebrant in the Owen/Oskar role. He's going to have a tough job as well. Oskar was a roller coaster of a boy. Kinda psycho and yet so caring for Eli. I just hope the choices were good ones.

Then there is THE scene. If you've seen Let The Right One In, you know what scene I'm speaking of. I won't spoil it and I ask no one else will either. I am just wondering if they cut it out or not, no pun intended.

I guess we shall find out in October.

RAH RAH REE! KICK THEM IN THE KNEE!

You know, ladies & gentlemens, there are somethings one must not do while one is in an "altered state". I'm not going to go into how my "state" was "altered" but let's just say I was. One of those said things is choose what movies sound like a good idea.

This is the results.

Me and Poot were sitting on the Nanny couch scoping out the ol' Netflix instant watch when, in our "altered state", we saw a movie that we knew would be just so AWESOMELY BAD we had to watch it. Cheerleader Autopsy.

(Cue music sting now!)

As some of you may know I love B movies. I really do. It comes from my long time obsession with Troma and a heavy influence from my Dad. This movie really does embrace B-ness so much it is unfathomable.

Directed and written by Stuart Doge... Well... This is the only thing by Stuart Doge! For god sakes, it was shot on what looks to be a HD camcorder! Poot and I knew it was going to be bad! SHE EVEN SAID "This is going to suck." AND WE STILL WATCHED!!!

*ahem*

Cheerleader Autopsy actually has a plot, believe it or not, Mr. Ripley. It's the story of The Fighting Beavers cheerleading squad! A squad consisting of 5 whole members. One who I think is Australian and might be a Suicide Girl. I think I've seen her naked. The first thing they do is shove the most obvious joke down our throat with a sign that said "You can't lick our Beavers." I saw the SAME damn sign 5 times. Making sure that those people who are complete simpletons get it too.

How nice.

The squad are on their way to regionals or nationals or something. It really doesn't matter. None of this matters. All you have to know is that they all get horribly killed in a freak bus accident. All but one. She is like the topless B-movie actress highlander. Only missing both legs, an arm, and she looks like Two-Face.

SIDE STORY!!! There is some frat dude who gets kicked out of college and goes to work for his uncle in a small town. His uncle is the coroner and sheriff. Guess where the cheerleaders died? Come to find out his uncle is selling unclaimed bodies to a dog food company. Did I mention there is also a creepy janitor who has a baby dick and likes to play like Dr.Frankenstein in his spare time. He also has a childhood grudge against the nephew?

It just keeps getting better!

As I said before, this doesn't matter. You do not watch this movie for plot or acting. You watch it for the sheer absurdity that is Cheerleader Autopsy. You watch it for the obviously fake rubber cadavers. You watch for lines like "She has grass in her snatch." You watch cause it was filmed in Georgia and you can tell! You watch for stupid sound effects. I swear they used a slide whistle. Then again I may have imagined that.

So in conclusion I have to say that this wonderful movie shouldn't be viewed seriously unless you seriously love crap. However, if you want a good laugh might I suggest you pick this, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, and the classic Redneck Zombies up and just have a B-Movie fest.

It wouldn't hurt to visit an "altered state" either.

RATINGS:

ACTING: (It really was bad.)

GORE:

HUMOR:

OVERALL: